I’ve never been a mushy girl, affectionate on occasions yes, but never mushy. I’m not one to go around hugging people or telling just anyone that I love them. I think the people closest to me can attest to the fact that I show my affection mostly through actions and not words. Lately I have been working on that and once in a while I will verbalize my feelings for others. So, y’all know how much I love my brother and how special he is to me, even though in the past he has thought I didn’t like him much, it wasn’t the truth. Growing up I was always annoyed by him as a big sister usually is, then when I was in my late teens and he was in his early teens, I inevitably became a parental figure… that responsibility was thrust upon me, not by any malicious acts on behalf of my mother, it’s just the way things worked out. I found myself taking care of situations and issues that weren’t mine to take care of, and eventually those things hardened me up. I have to admit I am not very proud of the way I used to treat and talk to people (especially those nearest to my heart). But somehow they always remained at my side and supported me through all my endeavors. I guess in a way they always knew that I was hard on them because I love them so much. Still... it doesn’t excuse my behavior, and for that I have apologized to every single one of them. I’ve since turned to comedy when things get too mushy and real, but I figure its better then just shutting people down when they are being sincere. Sometimes I feel like an apology hasn’t been enough and feel guilty all over again… then people do things for me that make me understand what real love is. When someone can over look all your bad traits and still love you the way my family and true friends love me, then it makes me realize that there might be something to this greatness everyone keeps talking about.
That being said, I have always without a doubt or hesitation been willing to give my life for my brother, through the good and the bad. I think part of that hard attitude was my way of protecting him from the world. So you can understand why him going off to war was such a hard thing for me to deal with. It’s hard for all military families, really. Believe me, I have three soldiers in mine! I guess for me it stemmed from that need to keep him safe. You see, it’s always just been the three of us (my mom, my brother and I), so I am very protective of them. (Don’t even get me started on when he would bring some new trollop all up in my house!) This is why I am so touched every time you guys write to me to tell me that my brother, as well as all the other soldiers in his platoon, are in your prayers. I’ve said this before and I will say it again, no matter what your views on this senseless war are, no matter if you are a republican, a democrat, a liberal or if you don’t give a flying raccoon’s ass about any political issue, you must respect what these men and women are doing. They are fighting for something they believe in (most of them anyway), they do it with pride and with their head held high and that is very respectable. Volunteering to join the military at a time of war takes a lot of courage! Point blank!
This is one of the things that motivated me to finally go through with fulfilling my dream of finishing a triathlon. And now thanks to my little brother (he paid for my registration) I will do it on October 18th, 2009. He sent me the following message yesterday after I was registered:
“This is cake for you, Caro. All you have to do is make the person in front of you your finish line, then once you have passed them you do the same with the others until you finish! This is nothing for you!!!”
That is all the motivation I need to own this bitch! I have a great training partner and all the support a girl could wish for. So here I go guys, 137 days ‘till T-day!!!
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